So, a patient goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, it hurts when I do this.” The doctor replies, “Well, then stop doing that!”
I know, I know. Groan.
But also, could this not be a life-hack?
An assortment of pains in the neck
Like when it finally occurred to me, as I yelled at the dogs to get out of my garden for the 176th time, that I could put up a fence and never have to yell at my dogs again (at least about that particular transgression).
Or when, after running out of ketchup again and having to run to the market instead of sitting down to dinner, I sat my three kids and husband down and explained (again) that when you use the last of anything please write it down on this handy-dandy pad of paper so I can buy it when I’m already at the grocery store.
Or when, after our mother hollered at us before we’d even left for the bus stop for the fifth day in a row, my siblings and I sat her down after school and said that we didn’t need her “help” in the mornings and that she should (“please, we’re begging you”) stay in bed.
Or when I notice that my husband and I are well on our way into one of those ridiculous arguments that we’ve been having since we started dating 36 years ago and I manage to, without storming back in to say “one more thing,” take myself for a time-out walk.
Future suffering that can be avoided should be avoided
Like the motion that the patient in the joke is making, these proverbial pains in the neck can be avoided in the future if we change the situation by eliminating or minimizing the opportunity for the upset to happen.
In Yoga Sutra 2.16 Patanjali teaches that future upset or pains in the neck that can be avoided should, in fact, be avoided.
In each of my four real-life examples, I noticed that I was stuck in an unpleasant pattern that I had the power to change. I could put in a fence, place a grocery list right there on the counter next to the pantry and the fridge, give a non-morning person the gift of a later wake-up time, and give my husband and myself the gift of space to cool off before either of us can say even more things we will regret.
Are these solutions fool-proof? Nope. The dogs sometimes wriggle behind the fence. More often than I’d like, people forget to use the grocery list. Sometimes (cue the scary music), one of us would need to wake our mother up to ask for something. And, sometimes, I’m simply not on my game and am unable (or disinclined) to resist the urge to say, “and another thing …”
But, in all four cases, because I noticed an unpleasant pattern and made a change, I have been able to avoid kind of a lot of future “pains in the neck.”
Doing so leaves you better able to navigate future upsets that cannot be avoided
Now, in life, there are plenty of future “pains in the neck” that cannot be avoided. This is why (if you, like me, are a sucker for a ridiculous dad joke) the joke I opened with still might make you giggle. Because, of course, the movement that hurts is a symptom of a joint that needs surgery or an infection that needs treating. Of course, stopping the movement will eliminate the pain, but will not fix the problem. While the pain can perhaps be avoided, the problem that the pain is a symptom of cannot.
This, I think, is kind of Patanjali’s whole point. Life is filled with pains in the neck. That seems to be the price of admission. Plus, we don’t want to wish all the pains in the neck away because navigating them is a source of much of our wisdom and growth during the short time that we’re here on the planet. But the pains in the neck that we can fix – especially the ones we cause ourselves – we should absolutely fix! Because when we do so, we leave ourselves more energy and resilience to handle the ones we can’t fix.
When you find yourself rubbing the same “pain in the neck” over and over, pay attention!
So, pay attention. Are your feathers regularly ruffled by the same darn thing? Chances are there is something you can change about this situation that you keep finding yourself in. Even if you can’t figure out right away what to change, the fact that you’ve noticed an unpleasant pattern in your life is a huge first step. The next time it crops up, I bet you’ll respond a little differently just because of your new awareness.
Maybe you can use a little of the extra energy and better frame of mind that are yours because you’ve avoided a few future pains in the neck to come up with funnier jokes than mine!
The avoidable pain that is yet to come, can, and should, be avoided. – The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 2.16 (chapter 2, verse 16)