Am I breaking up with To Do lists?
I used to love me a To Do list. The longer the better. They gave me such a sense of purpose. It makes me cringe more than a little to write this, but in some ways, I may have tangled up the length of my To Do lists with my value in this world. My lists felt tangible proof of all that would not get done if it weren’t for me.
What I loved even more than the To Do list itself was checking things off of it. That gave me such a feeling of accomplishment. I would actually write things I’d already done onto the list just so I could check them off and have “proof” at the end of the day that I’d done them.
Somewhere along the way, however, I changed. (The former list-maker in me sincerely wishes I could go back through my lists and point to when, where, how, or why this change happened.) These days, having too many things on my daily list overwhelms me. At the end of the list, I just feel exhausted – figuratively gasping for breath and doubled over like a runner on the far side of the finish line.
Less to do, more to savor
Checking the last thing off a To Do list no longer feels like an accomplishment. In fact, checking things off my list is no longer rewarding at all. I think that what has changed is that I don’t like approaching each precious day of my life as a list of things I need to do. I prefer to walk into each day with a sense of curiosity. I prefer to try to savor each thing that I do or moment that I experience. And I simply cannot do that when I’m racing through a To Do list.
By the way, savoring doesn’t mean nothing is getting done. It means what gets done also gets enjoyed
Some would point to this shift as a product of slowing down with age. Maybe they’re right. But I don’t feel as if I can’t keep up the pace. I feel like I don’t want to. And this feels like wisdom. I’ve tried another way of life and I prefer it. Savoring a day (or trying to) does not mean that nothing gets done. It means that everything that needs to get done gets done. With the added benefit that, not only have I gotten it done, but I’ve enjoyed doing so.
This is very different from enjoying the fact that something is done, by the way. When I am focused on relishing all that is in my rearview mirror, I cannot enjoy what is happening right here right now. In the timeline of life, I am distracted from the present by celebrating all that I accomplished in the past and by dashing off into the future of the other things I will get done next.
Life is much more than a series of completed tasks
If my years on the planet have taught me anything, it is that life is not hiding in the past or waiting for us in the future. It is right here, right now. It’s in the little hip bump your husband gives you as you pass in the kitchen. It’s in noticing the swallowtail butterfly caterpillar camouflaged by carrot fronds as you water your garden. It’s in listening to a friend and feeling their pain or their joy as your own.
Mary Oliver wrote, “To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.” We cannot pay attention – which is just a different and perhaps more approachable way of saying “savor” – when we are racing through the day. At full speed, we miss the details. The high-speed, high-performing me of old wants to be clear that I’m not talking about the details of what needs to be done in order for something to be done well. I have absolutely proved that it is possible to do a good job quickly – and then fly on to do more good jobs quickly.
Life is in the details that are easy to miss when you are racing through your day
The details that we miss when racing through life are the little things that give our days dimension and depth and a degree of wonder. They are what give our life value. Living in a way and at a pace that allows me to pay attention leaves me, at the end of the day, feeling more fulfilled and happy than any completely checked off To Do list ever did.
Is it any wonder that someone would choose to be gratefully overwhelmed by the extraordinary, simple beauty of regular life rather than all the items on an extra-long To Do list? I don’t think so either.
Early in the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali teaches that when we’re distracted, our minds are so subsumed by that distraction that being present to the present moment is impossible. (See YS 1.4) Separating myself from my distracting and at times overwhelming To Do lists allows me to be more present to and to take more pleasure from each activity and task of my days. When I am present like this, I am able to sense the peace and fulfillment that is, according to Patanjali (see YS 1.3), my true nature. In short, savoring life feels good and right and true.