Choosing a slower pace
One of the most meaningful changes that I’ve made to my life in the last five years is the slower pace at which I am determined to live. After a lifetime of busyness and hurry, these two qualities are deeply uncomfortable – even painful – to me. That said, there is no way to live in the world without days when you have a lot of places to be and many things to do. Even (especially!) on days like this, I find that if I prioritize a sense of spaciousness over my old familiar pressing need to get it all done, I feel hundred times better.
Slowing down takes work
People who knew and loved me when I was careening through life tease me that my slower pace and need for spaciousness are “side effects” of “all that yoga.” They seem to think that, somehow, I simply transformed. This could not be further from the case. Making this change required a profound amount of effort. It took effort to change my own habits, and it took effort to push back on the expectations of the world around me that doing more is the key to a meaningful life.
Dan Harris, in an interview on his podcast, 10% Happier, pointed out to Matthew McConaughey that it seemed he prefers to saunter through his days. While I’m not sure I am pulling off a “saunter,” and I surely do not have his awesome Texan accent that goes so well with one, the pace I’m seeking feels similar to the one McConaughey tries to create for himself. Like my friends and family, Harris seemed surprised to find McConaughey’s saunter requires effort and preparation.
After all, living at a slower pace does not mean living haphazardly. It does not mean that I no longer give a hoot about what does or does not get done. It means that I want to make sure that my to-do list for the day is reasonable and that what’s on it matters to me. It also means that – we’re going to come back to this is a minute – I have enough time and space to move with serenity (or as little chaos as possible) from one task or appointment to the next.
Slowing down requires preparation
Five years into this new way of living, I can tell you that much of the work that living this way requires comes in the form of preparation. Getting prepared itself requires time and space. But it’s a worthwhile investment, because, for me, preparation is self-preservation. Not being prepared makes me feel chaotic and anxious. Therefore, before I wrap up each day, one of the things I do is take a look at my calendar for the next day. I get an idea of where I need to be and when I need to be there. I get a sense of what I need to know and what I need to ask. Because I take the time to do this, when I wake up in the morning I can start my day at my chosen pace.
It’s possible that the best of life happens between your plans
Back to the spacing between appointments that I mentioned earlier. I know that I cannot stand feeling rushed. And I know that being late makes me an anxious mess. So I build in plenty of time between appointments – time enough for traffic, or for an unexpected call from one of my kids, or for my first meeting to go long without wreaking havoc on the rest of my day. Because one thing is sure – messes are going to happen. But with a spacious schedule, they don’t have to stink up the rest of the day.
Planning my schedule with added spaciousness allows me to stay relatively “stink free,” but that’s not the best part. The fact that I’m not dashing from point A to point B all day long allows the room for some pretty lovely surprises that I would have missed if I were in a hurry – the fascinating conversation with a student after class, the time to pull over for a second to watch the baby goslings toddle after their mom, the time to sit for a few moments in the car to enjoy the end of a song.
It is the time and mental space to savor these little surprises that makes me feel that I’m truly experiencing more of my days. In fact, were my husband and I to resurrect the old tradition we had when the kids were small of sharing “highs and lows” at the dinner table, I imagine I’d always choose to share moments like these – moments that I would have sailed right past when I was a whirling dervish of busyness. If it takes a little preparation today to be able to live at a saunter and have a moment or two like these tomorrow, I’m in. What about you?
In verse 2.33 of The Yoga Sutras, Patanjali suggests that when negative feelings (like being too busy or moving too fast to enjoy any part of the day) restrict us, it’s a good idea to cultivate the opposite. This is exactly what I’ve been working so hard to practice in my life. For me, the first and most challenging step was recognizing that what had always been normal to me and what was applauded by the world around me – busyness – was sucking the energy and joy out of my days. While it was grief that awakened me to my need to change, a yoga practice can help us recognize our discomfort before our habitual ways of living completely exhaust us.